In the beginning we wooed each other with the kind-worded texts and conversations. Within a month I felt a kindred connection to this new man in my life. If there was perfection, he was it- personified.
After spending a wonderful weekend together I found myself being selfish, wanting more and unfairly expecting him to return this shared feeling.
Let me mind you I'm a strong, independent girl- a company, a career, good friends and still living the dream with new projects. Somehow though when it comes to him I become the insecure, thin-skinned, needy actor that awakens from lying dormant in my soul. Kind of like an 18 year old girl with a school crush!
It's frustrating because I really like this guy. The last thing I want to do push him away with my emotional behavior of a teenager. Logically & with Common Sense I know that I overkill him with texts and wanting validation. One would assume I could take a moment and stop the behavior. It's just my emotional side strives for his attention however little it may be. I'm becoming my own worst enemy in this situation.
Its a tale of like (not love) that may or may not be unrequited. Only time will tell. I shall see him a in 2 weeks when I head home to Ohio to visit my friends & family.
Things I need to do:
-Allow him to chase me again
-Apologize and make serious changes from behavior recognized by both parties as non productive towards building a relationship.
-Be grateful for the part of him that he is willing to share and accept that this information has to come out organically.
-Most importantly, I need to allow this friendship to flourish at its own pace- forcing the situation will only cease the communication.
-Lastly: Pray that the damage I've already pushed onto him emotionally can be overlooked and corrected before its too late
Positives:
- He has taken the time to verbalize his concerns to me. This I have interpreted as a positive factor. If he were completely uninterested I do not feel he would take the time to have in depth conversations about things that are in need of correction
- He's in a profession that doesn't allow much free time, so if he's willing to give even the smallest piece of himself it shows promise.
Things to Recognize:
Expect nothing
Prepare for Everything
Never assume
Take responsibility
Take risks with like, lust and love.
ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!! THE GREATEST OF RISKS BRING THE GREATEST REWARDS!!
Lastly, I believe God reconnects people for a reason. The reason may not be understood until fully explored and with reflection. I'm determined to give this friendship the chance to show it's planned path of friendship or possibly more.
Great reflection.
ReplyDeleteI think you've taken a lot from what's occurred. A word of advice, if I may... I caution you to reflect, but avoid over-thinking and dwelling on any aspects or situations that develop.
Don't apologize. Simply recognize and be open to the needs of the relationship in whatever state it's in. Let go, trust and what's meant to happen will.
Enjoy every moment for what it is. Don't develop expectations. Be present and enjoy its wonderfulness.