Come Closer

Like a volcano eruption
my heart pours
free flowing lava
drawn from the core.
Hot and fast it moves throughout
Fear from the heat
May keep you about.
Come closer as the fire will warm you, not burn you
You may have been scorched by others before
Remember I am me, not her.

Love is the beauty of the soul.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
--St. Augustine

31 and not acting my age in terms of emotional maturity (need to change asap)

I met this amazing guy...or should I say I reconnected with this amazing guy from High School through Facebook. Seemingly as perfect as one can pocess in the human form. He is kind, caring, compassionate, intellegent, tall, dark & handsome to boot!

In the beginning we wooed each other with the kind-worded texts and conversations. Within a month I felt a kindred connection to this new man in my life. If there was perfection, he was it- personified.
After spending a wonderful weekend together I found myself being selfish, wanting more and unfairly expecting him to return this shared feeling.

Let me mind you I'm a strong, independent girl- a company, a career, good friends and still living the dream with new projects. Somehow though when it comes to him I become the insecure, thin-skinned, needy actor that awakens from lying dormant in my soul. Kind of like an 18 year old girl with a school crush!

It's frustrating because I really like this guy. The last thing I want to do push him away with my emotional behavior of a teenager. Logically & with Common Sense I know that I overkill him with texts and wanting validation. One would assume I could take a moment and stop the behavior. It's just my emotional side strives for his attention however little it may be. I'm becoming my own worst enemy in this situation.

Its a tale of like (not love) that may or may not be unrequited. Only time will tell. I shall see him a in 2 weeks when I head home to Ohio to visit my friends & family.

Things I need to do:
-Allow him to chase me again
-Apologize and make serious changes from behavior recognized by both parties as non productive  towards   building a relationship.
-Be grateful for the part of him that he is willing to share and accept that this information has to come out organically.
-Most importantly, I need to allow this friendship to flourish at its own pace- forcing the situation will only cease the communication.
-Lastly: Pray that the damage I've already pushed onto him emotionally can be overlooked and corrected before its too late

Positives:
 - He has taken the time to verbalize his concerns to me. This I have interpreted as a positive factor. If he were completely uninterested I do not feel he would take the time to have in depth conversations about things that are in need of correction
- He's in a profession that doesn't allow much free time, so if he's willing to give even the smallest piece of himself it shows promise.

Things to Recognize:
Expect nothing
Prepare for Everything
Never assume
Take responsibility
Take risks with like, lust and love.

ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!! THE GREATEST OF RISKS BRING THE GREATEST REWARDS!!

Lastly, I believe God reconnects people for a reason. The reason may not be understood until fully explored and with reflection. I'm determined to give this friendship the chance to show it's planned path of friendship or possibly more.

Glass

Fool you made the girl fall in love
you said those beautiful things
she thought you spoke things you mean

Caress her skin like it's glass
she hears your voice making plans
and sees your face in her hands

You don't wanna see somebody beg
as you feel her heart surrender
you begin to fall
How do you say that something's through
when it never even started
at least not for you

You breathe her air and you leave
you keep your mind on yourself
and lie the glass on the shelf
After the heavenly speech
your body throws holy heat
the angels sing when our eyes meet

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't true
I just wanted to make you feel good
just wanted you near
I wasn't prepared I wasn't thinking of you
that you could actually love me
it never should have started

She's dreaming back on the past
every opinion agreed
doesn't know what to believe

It must have been for a cause
our lives have so many doors
don't think about him anymore

But it was the kiss, it took me away
it's like he knew that I am fragile
he handled me like glass
and it hurts but it's what I deserve
because I should have been more careful
with the others that I handled
I should have been
I should have been
and knowing this I know
that he'll get his
but I don't want the man to suffer
oh not the way I am
because deep down I know that he's glass too
but it really doesn't matter
until it's happening to you
everybody breaks
everybody breaks
sometimes

Such a Beautiful song- Hear it live (Gavin Degraw)

More Than Anyone

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together baby
Free together baby
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to love you more than anyone

Click to Hear a Live version by Gavin Degraw

Cherry Trees

"I want to do with you, what Spring does with Cherry Trees."
~Pablo Neruda

Her

I feel tortured
I feel loved
I feel betrayed
I want to run
Seeing you with her brings me so much pain
Can't we rewind time
And let it be
To when it was just you & me?