Worry Rock

When I was 10 my grandmother passed away. We were so close it was if she was my mom as well. 

The pain still draws tears.
She used to carry a smooth shiny black rock in her pocket. She called it her "worry rock." 

She used to tell me the tale that whenever life was getting too hard, trouble came about, 

emotions were too strong or over all just had worry- 

just hold the rock and rub it as it will take all that ails you away.

At her funeral, she was to be burried with her worry rock. 

Before the closed the casket, my grandfather removed it from her hand and placed it in mine.

I was told she would want me to have this to help throughout life's journey.

I have it to this day safe and sound in a lock box @ home.

Over the past few weeks I've had many thing testing my strength. 

(Some of which I've shared- others I hold close to my heart.)

Yesterday was particularly trying. I sometimes feel as though it is a test from God.
I awoke this morning, went to my car and opened the door. 

As I went to climb in, I saw the rock in this picture sitting on the driver's seat. 

(It is nearly identical to the one of my grandmother's  I have locked away.) 

I nearly burst into tears as I had not been anywhere where this rock could had entered my car- 

let alone sitting on my seat. 

I could call it coincidence or I can continue to seek the logic in its placement 

(especially since I am the only one with keys to my car); 

however since her passing, when times get tough for me I feel she's found ways to reach me from the heavens.

It hasn't happened in years, but today I'm holding onto the fact that my guardian angel is looking after me, 

reminding me that I can get through life's trials to persevere and enjoy life's joy and bliss.

I'm really hoping I can sneak away to church today, if not, 

I know you can show your love and respect to the lord without being in a house of God. 

I thought you may appreciate this occutrence. Thank you for allowing me to share with you!

Xo,

Lisa

I Am...

I am fierce,
I am Fire,
I am love
I am desire.
I am loveable
I am worthy
I am strong
I must hold on....
and disregard the demons that seek to destroy.

Come Closer

Like a volcano eruption
my heart pours
free flowing lava
drawn from the core.
Hot and fast it moves throughout
Fear from the heat
May keep you about.
Come closer as the fire will warm you, not burn you
You may have been scorched by others before
Remember I am me, not her.

Love is the beauty of the soul.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
--St. Augustine

31 and not acting my age in terms of emotional maturity (need to change asap)

I met this amazing guy...or should I say I reconnected with this amazing guy from High School through Facebook. Seemingly as perfect as one can pocess in the human form. He is kind, caring, compassionate, intellegent, tall, dark & handsome to boot!

In the beginning we wooed each other with the kind-worded texts and conversations. Within a month I felt a kindred connection to this new man in my life. If there was perfection, he was it- personified.
After spending a wonderful weekend together I found myself being selfish, wanting more and unfairly expecting him to return this shared feeling.

Let me mind you I'm a strong, independent girl- a company, a career, good friends and still living the dream with new projects. Somehow though when it comes to him I become the insecure, thin-skinned, needy actor that awakens from lying dormant in my soul. Kind of like an 18 year old girl with a school crush!

It's frustrating because I really like this guy. The last thing I want to do push him away with my emotional behavior of a teenager. Logically & with Common Sense I know that I overkill him with texts and wanting validation. One would assume I could take a moment and stop the behavior. It's just my emotional side strives for his attention however little it may be. I'm becoming my own worst enemy in this situation.

Its a tale of like (not love) that may or may not be unrequited. Only time will tell. I shall see him a in 2 weeks when I head home to Ohio to visit my friends & family.

Things I need to do:
-Allow him to chase me again
-Apologize and make serious changes from behavior recognized by both parties as non productive  towards   building a relationship.
-Be grateful for the part of him that he is willing to share and accept that this information has to come out organically.
-Most importantly, I need to allow this friendship to flourish at its own pace- forcing the situation will only cease the communication.
-Lastly: Pray that the damage I've already pushed onto him emotionally can be overlooked and corrected before its too late

Positives:
 - He has taken the time to verbalize his concerns to me. This I have interpreted as a positive factor. If he were completely uninterested I do not feel he would take the time to have in depth conversations about things that are in need of correction
- He's in a profession that doesn't allow much free time, so if he's willing to give even the smallest piece of himself it shows promise.

Things to Recognize:
Expect nothing
Prepare for Everything
Never assume
Take responsibility
Take risks with like, lust and love.

ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!! THE GREATEST OF RISKS BRING THE GREATEST REWARDS!!

Lastly, I believe God reconnects people for a reason. The reason may not be understood until fully explored and with reflection. I'm determined to give this friendship the chance to show it's planned path of friendship or possibly more.